


Dammit Jim, I'm a Doctor, Not a Ghostbuster!

by pherryt



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Cannon compliant, Christmas, F/M, First Kiss, Ghosts, Haunting, Hikaru Sulu - Freeform, Light Angst, M/M, Mistletoe, Montgomery Scott - Freeform, Silly, Strong Language, Stubborn, mckirk - Freeform, mention of the church of the holy macgyver, pavel chekov - Freeform, spacewrapped 2016, the enterprise is haunted, the ghosts ship it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 02:23:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8950093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pherryt/pseuds/pherryt
Summary: Mistletoe keeps following the Doctor everywhere on the Enterprise and he's getting sick and tired of it. He hasn't quite caught on to where it's coming from or what the pattern is but his refusal to just kiss his Captain already is putting a serious crimp in the plans of a couple of really invested ghosts...not to mention hurting the captain...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt #23. "So the Enterprise is haunted by a ghost who likes to hang up mistletoe everywhere in hopes we kiss. I say we do it for the sake of the ship." from the [Space Wrapped ](http://space-wrapped.livejournal.com/) Community on Livejournal.
> 
> This is my first time participating and I claimed two prompts. This was the first.
> 
> Art: I had hoped to have more time, but I couldn't think of anything to draw to go with the story initially. By the time I just said "screw it" and drew mistletoe, I was under a time crunch. The art is ballpoint pen from start to finish - mistakes and all (no pencil lines that were later erased like I normally draw...)
> 
> Merry Christmas!

Leonard McCoy was absolutely, positively certain that somehow, someway, it was all Jim Kirks fault.

The first time it happened, Leonard had been in the Rec Room watching one of Jim and Spocks record setting chess matches. Record setting because, so far, Jim was 0 for 72 and wasn't looking like he was about to break his losing streak any time soon. Unable to resist any longer, he'd leaned in close to point out some possibilities, which only resulted in Jim slapping his hands away under Spocks raised brow.

"No! No I can do this. I don't need any help, I've got him on the run now!" The captain said enthusiastically. Spock looked at his Captain incredulous at the man’s delusion.

"Yeah, sure you do kid." Bones rolled his eyes.  Both of them realized the room had become silent at the same time – when Uhura's tinkling laugh broke it.

"You know the rules boys!" she called out. Both of them turned to see why the room had gone silent and to see who she was talking to. They found all the attention on them. They exchanged confused looks, Leonard's' with an extra dash of suspicion.

"If you're talking to us, I think you'll find I have a habit of not following the rules to the letter." The captain smirked.

"Nyota, darlin', whatever are you talkin' about?" Leonard drawled out.

"I believe, Captain, Doctor, that if you happen to look up, you shall find the answer to your question." Spocks voice was devoid of emotion, though the look he shot the Doctor at his use of the word darlin' could almost qualify.

They looked up.

It was goddamn mistletoe and now Leonard was glaring. He looked back down to find Jim grinning at him and waggling his eyebrows. "Whaddya say Bones?" 

"I thought you didn't like followin' the rules?" Leonard bit back, his stomach sinking. Oh, how he wanted to kiss Jim Kirk senseless, but he wanted it to  _mean_ something. He didn't want Jim to kiss him casually just to fulfill a social convention.

"I can always make an exception for mistletoe." Jim's grin grew wider. Leonard's' frown grew deeper.

"Sorry, kid, I don't celebrate Christmas." Leonard stood up. "I'm headin' in. Got an early shift tomorrow. So do the rest of you, if you get my drift." He turned and walked out, missing the surprised looks on everyone's faces, and the hurt - quickly covered – on the captains.

Bones resolved to avoid the Rec area after that. If only that had been the end of it. But it hadn't. The second time it happened was on the bridge. The goddamn bridge! He stomped towards the turbo lift with a growl about "Goddamn professionalism, Jim!" and refused to set foot back on the bridge unless it was for emergencies.

As Christmas preparations were well underway, the number of areas he could safely traverse in regards to mistletoe was getting smaller, and smaller. The third time it happened, he'd been trapped in the turbo lift with nearly the entire bridge crew. He got off a few decks early and took a separate lift up, despite Jim's protests.

When it happened in the briefing room only a few minutes later, he threw his hands up in the air and demanded to know "What in blazes is going on?"

The bridge crew exchanged glances, but only the Captain spoke up. "Didn't you get the memo Bones?"

"What memo?" Leonard spat out as he stood in the doorway, arms crossed, refusing to take a single step into the abundantly festive room. It was the principle of the thing, okay? It was so filled with Christmas paraphernalia that he couldn't spot the mistletoe, but he just  _knew_  it was there, lurking, laying in wait for one unsuspecting, Dr. Leonard H. McCoy, MD.

"The one about the holiday celebration." Uhura supplied. "Or are you suggesting I couldn't do my job?" She asked sweetly. Leonard held his breath for a moment before risking a look at her boyfriend. Spock's face was stoic as always, but there was an air around him that said, " _Think before you speak_."

"I don't celebrate Christmas. I don't understand why this is being forced on everyone." Leonard grumbled out slowly.

"But it isn't, Bones. No one has to participate if they don't want to." Jim protested, his voice exasperated.  _He_ was exasperated? What about Leonard?

"We're not the only beings on board Jim, don't you think this Christmas thing is a little unfair?" The doctor knew he was reaching but he'd use any excuse to get the painful site of mistletoe to stop.

"Bones, you wound me!  Look, nobody has to participate, but I just thought it would be a great way to break up the monotony on board the ship. You know how it gets sometimes. And I figured one major holiday from each religion or species would be a great way to do it." Jim talked excitedly and it was hard not to get caught up in his enthusiasm.

"It is a surprisingly well thought out idea, Doctor." Spock broke in. "As the Captain explained it to me, it would afford newer recruits a way to 'break the ice' with their fellow crewmates and allow everyone else the extra benefit of learning more about those same crewmates and their cultures that one may not have learned in the Academy."

Bones found himself deflating, arms uncrossing though he attempted to retain at least some of his glare. "That's…not a bad idea." He drawled.

"Thanks Bones. Aren't you proud of me?" Jim flashed him a boyish grin and Leonard rolled his eyes.

"I'm always proud of ya kid, until the next time you go off on another one of your hair brained schemes. Except when you do stupid shit. Like jumpin' out of perfectly good ships, or comin' back from missions half dead. Or worse,  _all_  dead." Leonard barely restrained a shudder. His heart had nearly stopped when they'd brought Jim up to sickbay in a body bag after Khan...

"I got it. Now relax and come in, we've got a mission briefing to go over." Jim smiled and gestured Bones into the room. 

Leonard refused to move. He may have to put up with the decorations, but he wasn't about to tempt fate, not when it wouldn't go the way he wanted it to. "I think I'll stand right here, where I can see there isn't any god damn mistletoe."

Jim rolled his eyes and snorted. "Didn't take you for a masochist, Bones. Now, I told you, no one has to participate if they don't want to. I’m sure it was just a little friendly teasing. Now get in here and sit down. That's an order."

Reluctantly, Leonard did just that. But as soon as he sat down next to the Captain, he could hear Chekov sniggering, then Scotty. He shot them both looks. They were trying to smother the laughs but were unsuccessful.

"Now what?" Leonard grumped. Jim leaned over and pointed up. "Oh, for god's sake." Bones slumped down in his chair at the sight of even more mistletoe hanging over him and Jim. Uhura was staring at Leonard in knowing sympathy causing Leonard to squirm in his seat and avoid her eyes. That's when he noticed Sulu was staring up at the mistletoe with his mouth open.

"Tryin' to catch flies, Mr. Sulu? Have _none_ of you ever seen mistletoe before?" The Doctor growled at all of them. There was a chorus of various "I have's" and "Ayes," broken only by the statement…

"Not as much as I see around you, Dr. McCoy." The helmsman noted. Leonard's head shot up to look at him.

"What?" The doctor demanded.  It was Sulu's turn to squirm as the rest of the room stared at him in equal confusion.

"There's almost none in the rest of the ship sir." At Sulu's statement, Bones stared at the helmsman in disbelief.

"It's every goddamn place I go, except for Sickbay and my room." Bones spat out.

"That's what I'm talking about, sir. That wasn't there before you sat down." Sulu pointed up at the innocent looking mistletoe. The Doctors eyes narrowed as he eyed everyone in the room, particularly Jim and Scotty.  He hadn't heard the whine of a transporter, hadn't seen the telltale sparkle and swirl, yet Sulu claimed it had materialized out of thin air and the Doctor would not put it past Jim to arrange something like that. Or Scotty to be in on it. But as he glanced around, he realized that everyone, except Spock of course, was actually looking a little spooked as they all came to the same realization.

It hadn't been beamed into the room. But then, if it hadn't, where had it come from?

"It's not just the Doctor." Spock observed mildly. The only one who didn’t seem to be disturbed outright, merely puzzled.

"Pardon?" Leonard turned to Spock.

"It appears that the randomness of the mistletoe's appearance is highly correlated to that of the Captains presence, as well as your own. When I am with either of you but not the other, the mistletoe never seems to make an appearance."

"What in the blazes does that even mean? The mistletoe is  _targetin'_  us? But where is it even comin' from?"

"If it is, as you say, targeting you, than perhaps you should just do what tradition requires of you." Spock's statement caused silence.

Jim shrugged, and spoke without looking at Bones. "I'm amenable. Always was. It's Bones that isn't." When Leonard realized that Jim wouldn't look at him, he was sure his heart stopped.

Maybe he'd been wrong? All this time? He'd thought that…despite his own feelings for Jim, he'd thought Jim felt nothing more than friendship for him. Leonard had been slow to realize his own feelings had meant more, but he had been positive that it had been all one sided. And normally, he had nothing against Christmas, but the thought of having to kiss Jim when the man didn't return his feelings had been pure torture.

And yet…Leonard couldn't deny the look of hurt on Jim's face. There was silence for a long moment before Uhura stood.

"I think we should give the Captain and the Doctor some privacy to discuss the current situation and it's…potential outcomes. If you will all follow me, I motion that this briefing be adjourned until 1500 hours." The communications officer's sweet voice spread effortlessly through the room. After a long, searching look of his girlfriends face, Spock nodded and stood.

"I concur." The two of them left the room quickly, the rest of the senior staff filing out behind them, leaving Jim Kirk and Leonard McCoy alone in briefing room A with a quiet _woosh_ of the doors as they closed. It was yet another long moment before either of them spoke.

"I don't get it Bones. Is it me?" Jim turned to face him, standing suddenly, taking a step back as if to get some space. Leonard swallowed past the lump in his throat. "I know you don't actually have anything against Christmas. I know you celebrated it every year till the Academy, yet every time you see mistletoe you cite that…that falsehood rather than just kissing me." He took a deep, shuddering breath. "Is the idea of kissing me that abhorrent? I thought, I thought we were at least friends?"

Leonard was struck with the thought that Jim was more than just hurt at his continued refusal to kiss his best friend. That there was an undercurrent of something else, a fear of rejection, and he realized just how fragile Jim was feeling at that very moment. He stumbled to his feet and reached for the blonde haired man.

"God Jim, no! That's not it! I swear!" Leonard rushed to reassure.

"Then why?" Jim's hands clenched into fists as if to deny the plaintive cry that had forced its way out of his throat.

"Jimmy, I couldn't….because I…I was afraid to…to…" It was Leonard's turn to take a shuddering breath. He might as well get it out there. Things could hardly be made worse at this point. There was a kernel of hope burning under his usual veil of sarcasm, that it may even be made _better._ He hardly dared to breathe at the thought. "I couldn't because it hurt too much."

Jim paused, his eyes searching the Doctors as Leonard tried to drop all his defenses, his masks. He softened his face, mouth twitching into a wary, hopeful smile, small though it was. The blonde haired captain managed to speak first.

"What do you mean Bones?" Jims' voice was quiet, intimate - dare he say inviting? - and Leonard stepped closer. The hand he had reached out earlier, but hadn't been able to bring himself to actually touch with, reached out again to fall on Jims' shoulder, giving it a squeeze. He closed his eyes, took a breath and opened them again.

"I love you, Jim. I have for a while and I…" He swallowed. "And I couldn't bear the thought of kissin' you when you didn't feel the same way back."

"So you ran away?" the captains voice was colored with disbelief.

Leonard bowed his head, closing his eyes again, letting his hand slip off the Captains shoulder and fall back to his side. "So I ran away."

"You _literally_ ran away, Bones." A small chuckle made him look up at his captain and his best friend. What Leonard saw there surprised him. Jim…wasn't mad, or disgusted. He was shaking his head, hands on his hips and chuckling.

"Jim?" Leonard asked uncertainly.

"I can't believe – I mean, what are we, 12?" Jim snickered, a hand coming up to cover his mouth. Tears started to squeeze out of his closed eyelids as he gasped in breaths between snickers. Leonard was becoming worried. This wasn't typical Jim Kirk behavior.

"Jim, are you all right?" Leonard reached for Jim again, grabbing his wrist to check his pulse.

"Am I all right? _Am I all right_?" Jim let out an explosive breath, the snickers finally stopping as he wiped the back of his hand across his eyes and stepped right up to his Chief Medical Officer. "I'm better than all right. Finally….I…" He shook his head again. "We've both of us been fucking morons. I love you too, Bones. I think I have since the moment you said you might throw up on me."

"You're ridiculous." Leonard forgot he was checking Jims' pulse as he stared hopefully at Jim, his thumb rubbing back and forth over the captains wrist without even realizing what it was he was doing.

"You wouldn't want me any other way." Jim said quietly, eyes boring into Leonard's.

"You're goddamn right about that." Leonard shook his head fondly.

"Hey Bones?"

"Yeah Jim?"

"There's mistletoe. Whaddya say? Let's give it what it wants." Jim smirked that familiar quirky smile;

"It's not exactly a sentient being Jim. It's a plant, it doesn't have wants or needs." Leonard's' lips started curving up at the corners as he gave Jim a hard time.

"Shut up, Bones, you're killing the mo – mmppph!" Jim flailed for a second at the suddenness of lips upon lips but quickly opened to it, relaxing forward, arms clutching at blue sleeves while they wrapped around him and drew him in close. Their legs tangled together till neither quite knew how they were standing. The kiss went on and on, broken only for quick gasps of breath before diving in again, making up for lost time.

Jim and Leonard were suddenly glad that Uhura's rescheduled meeting would be more than an hour away. Neither noticed the mistletoe fading out of existence or two ghostly hands slapping in an old fashioned high five. Neither heard the ghostly voices as the two humanoid ghosts floated out of the room through the wall, giving the men their privacy.

_::Finally!:: The blonde grinned._

_::About God damn time!:: the darker haired of the two griped._

_::Your son is one stubborn SOB, and I thought **Kirks** were stubborn but that boy sure proved me wrong.:: The two ghosts, though in muted colors and tones, held eyes that were near spitting images of their sons._

_::That's a McCoy for ya. Glad it finally worked though, because I swear, I was about to try somethin' drastic. I was at my wits end!"_

_::Like what?:: The blonde turned to look at the other ghost as he floated backwards through another wall, the other one quickly following. The circuits briefly dimmed as they pushed through._

_::Like shoving them into a Turbolift together and cutting off the power.:: After a brief moment of thought, the dark haired, blue eyed ghost smirked._

_::That wouldn't have lasted long. That chief engineer of my sons and his team of delinquents would have worked something out in a jiffy, all MacGyver style::_

_::Aren't you a little dead to be a convert to a new church?:: The dark haired ghost snorted._

_::It's not like it's an actual religion, David. It's more a way of life.::_

_::I repeat, aren't you a little dead?::_

_::I see where your son gets it from.:: The blonde ghost started to fade from view._

_::Oh come on George…don't be like that! You're the only ghost on board that will talk to me.::_

_::Don't be a baby. I’m just heading down to the next meeting of the MacGyver Cult.:: George Kirks ghost floated down through one of the decks, then poked his head back up to look at the pouting ghost of David McCoy._

_::Are you coming or what?::_

_The other ghost sighed. ::Fine. After all, what **else** am I gonna do?::_

_::Well, I had an idea about that…::_

Spock was just then striding down the hall over the very spot the two ghosts were slipping through and down into the deck and his feet hitched a step, then slowed to a stop as he turned to stare behind him. There was nothing there. But he could have sworn he'd seen something out of the corner of his eye, had heard even clearer two voices as they faded off.

They'd sounded familiar too. He'd been hearing them off and on for most of the last week, yet he couldn't place them as belonging to any of the crewmen aboard. He thought to the mistletoe and its equally odd appearing and disappearing trick. He wondered if it was related. A hand touched his arm and he looked down at Nyota.

"Spock, what is it?"

"Nothing. Shall we?" She grinned at him, but even in her attempt to keep it subdued for his sake, he could see the strength of it poking around the edges of her face. He didn't actually mind though. They touched their fingers briefly after a quick check that there were none other in the hall, then he leaned down for a very brief kiss before breaking it off.  She slid her hand down his arm and moved till they were linked at the elbows, in a style reminiscent of an old Earth custom, long since out of practice.

"We shall."

They moved off down the hall, and he thought no further of the strange occurrences that had been happening on board the U.S.S. Enterprise.

 


End file.
